You Suck At Parking
Okay, maybe not you. You're probably great at parking. In fact, you're probably the best at parking that ever was. Good job! Keep on being you.
That said, we all know someone who is in dire need of an education when it comes to coloring inside the lines with their vehicle. Since moving to Lake Charles, I've noticed that not a whole lot of people view those yellow stripes in parking lots as boundaries so much as just rough guidelines everyone is free to ignore.
I think most times, it's just on accident. Maybe people don't realize they've pulled into a space all crooked, and by the time they notice they're already out of the car and it's too hot around here to bother getting back in and parking straight.
Other times, there are people who are clearly driving vehicles too big for them. Honestly, I've had more trucks and SUVs nearly clip me at a stoplight because the driver doesn't understand what a turning radius is, so I can only imagine what happens to these people when they try to thread the tiny needle of a parking space with their double-wide humpbacked camel of a jacked up truck. Face-scrunching is probably involved, as is the classic sitting-up-taller-in-your-seat-as-if-that-actually-helps-you-see-any-better technique. Neither one works.
The rest of the time, it's just jerks being jerks. You know who I'm talking about: the sort of person who intentionally takes up multiple spaces because their car is oh so important and they don't want anyone else's cooties getting on it or something. They also probably think it protects their car from accidental dings and scratches, but I wonder if they give any thought to intentional ones? Because some people don't play.
Anyway, here's the solution. Or at least something to make you feel better in a sort of passive-aggressive way that probably won't get your tires slashed. Probably.
We make no guarantees.
We've all seen those obnoxious fake tips people leave waitstaff at restaurants, right? You know, the religious tracts that look like money until an unsuspecting waiter opens it up at the end of a long shift and learns that the real value in life comes from whatever Book:Chapter-Verse the cheapskate who left it in lieu of actual money thinks is important.
I think we can all agree those are pretty awful, unless you actually do leave a tip with them. Spread the good news and all, but Leviticus don't pay the rent is all I'm saying.
Anyway, here's a printable PDF of three "You suck at parking" notes disguised as $20 bills. They look great sandwiched between a windshield and one of its wipers, and are pretty convincing.
Distribute them as you see fit, and maybe we can make Lake Charles parking lots a little bit better. And the world a safer place. Together.
It warms the heart.