Massive Group Sex Reported on Florida Beaches as Crowds Watch

There are a lot of reasons Louisiana folks like to make that short drive across Mississippi and Alabama and onto the white sand beaches of Florida's Emerald Coast. The water is wonderful. The sand is warm. The ambiance is amazing. And, there are a lot of overweight creatures doing things at the water's edge that will make even a double margarita from the Pink Pony Pub hard to swallow.

Yes, Florida law enforcement officials say they have been inundated with calls over the past few weeks from concerned beachgoers. The calls all seem to suggest the same thing that some kind of high-intensity group sex gathering is happening right there on the sand and it's happening in front of the children.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, the creatures that are doing this intimate frolicking in broad daylight are not the kinds of bodies that most of us want to see. Even though they are the bodies that many of the Redneck Riviera have.

Oh, and the local law enforcement agencies are telling people to stop calling 911 because there is nothing deputies can do about the chaos. In fact, if they or anyone attempts to interrupt the intimate engagement that's going on at the water's edge they could be arrested.

Have you figured out that we're not talking about human creatures? We're talking about manatees and 'tis the season for those loveable lardos of the sea to "get busy" and make baby manatees. Unfortunately, at least for human eyes, the process is not pleasant to observe. If that's something you'd like to see, you can watch it right here.

Over the past few weeks, deputies in many Florida counties have had to field calls from concerned vacationers that the manatees were in "trouble" or that they appeared to be "hurting each other". They aren't they are just making manatee love. And because they are a protected species deputies and the public in general are not supposed to interfere with the process.

Go to the beach they said, it will be fun they said. However, they didn't mention anything about manatees and sea lice, and depending on when, where, and how you encounter them it just might not be "fun" despite what "they" said.