What If The Walking Dead Took Place In Louisiana?
Have you ever wondered what The Walking Dead might look like if the zombie apocalypse took place in Louisiana? Well, wonder no more!
In the first season, Rick wakes up from a coma in the state capital. On the actual show, he’s in Atlanta, Georgia. But in the Louisiana version, he wakes up in the Baton Rouge General Medical Center on Picardy Avenue. Dazed and disoriented, he finds a chained door that reads “DON’T OPEN, SHA! DEAD IN DERE!”
He then escapes the hospital and goes on a quest to find his family. Also, his name isn’t Rick Grimes in our version; it’s Remy LeBlanc, and he’s originally from Lafayette. He’s married to Lauren LeBlanc (Lori Grimes), and their son is still named Carl because nobody really likes him, so he doesn’t get a cool new name. Daryl Dixon is Dylan Thibodeaux, but keeping track of all these new names would be confusing, so we’ll just stick with their boring, non-Cajun versions. Sorry.
Anyway, while he was snoozing in his coma, Rick’s best friend Shane starts putting the moves on Lori just outside of Baton Rouge, where the group is holed up in the woods near Grosse Tete. Eventually, Rick makes his way to them, picking up a guy named Glenn along the way.
The season finale takes place back in Baton Rouge, at the nearest thing to a CDC location: the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals, East Baton Rouge Parish Health Unit, which is kind of a mouthful, so let’s just pretend it’s the CDC. Once there, a cooky dude tells Rick that everyone’s infected, and season one ends on a downer.
In the season two opener, the group decides to head toward Fort Polk over in Vernon Parish, but they never make it because some crazy redneck shoots Carl, so Rick stops off at a sugar cane farm near Alexandria because the whole world revolves around this kid, for some reason. The farm is owned by a former veterinarian named Hershel, who’s keeping zombies in his barn because he’s a crazy person, so the group kills them all. Meanwhile, Shane goes all roid-rage dudebro on Rick, so he stabs him in the gut and then Carl shoots him in the face after he comes back as a zombie. And yes, we call them zombies in Louisiana, because “walkers” is a dumb name, and we tell it like it is here in the Pelican State.
All the commotion causes a horde of zombies to swarm Hershel’s farm, and season two ends with the group retreating to find a safer location.
In the third season, the group makes their way to Lake Charles, where Rick has to choose between making their home base the abandoned Harrah’s parking garage, or the top of the I-10 bridge. The group gets involved in a heated debate about this, but eventually Rick convinces everyone that the bridge is the best idea because, while there are more choke points in the parking garage that would make it easier to defend, having one way in and out would also make it more difficult to escape when it’s eventually overrun.
Having successfully set up a new safe haven on top of the bridge, Rick spots what appears to be a defended, populated town center over in Downtown Lake Charles. He sends Glenn and Daryl to investigate.
The pair make their way into the downtown area, where they’re introduced to a man who calls himself the Governor. He takes Glenn and Daryl to the his headquarters located inside what used to be Cotten’s Downtown, and invites their group to come live in the Pujo Street Cafe building. Glenn is pretty excited about this, but Daryl doesn’t trust the Governor.
The two head back to tell Rick the good news, but are ambushed by a crazy ninja woman with a katana on the way. Rick sees this happening, so he grabs Carl’s old skateboard and zooms down the bridge at lightning speed, where he manages to bonk the crazy lady on the head just in time. They decide to bring her back to the camp, where she eventually wakes up and tells them her name is Michonne and she’s not crazy. Rick says okey dokey then, and lets her join the group.
Meanwhile, the Governor is angry that nobody took him up on his offer of safe haven and, since he’s hopped up on crawfish and has no patience at all, he storms Rick’s camp, intent on killing everyone. However, since the group is camped out at the top of a crazy steep bridge, they just start rolling heavy things down the incline, and the Governor’s army goes down like so many bowling pins. The Governor himself retreats toward Moss Bluff, and everyone on the bridge gathers around and caps off season by laughing together like it’s the end of some ‘80s cartoon.
Not much happens in the fourth season, and the whole thing is pretty boring. Still, a couple of things are worth noting: the group decides to leave the safety of the bridge and starts following signs along the train tracks leading them toward Lafayette and some mythical place of happiness and joy called Terminus. Of course, it turns out that it’s all been a brilliant advertising campaign by a public relations expert working for a group of crazy cannibal people in the BNSF Railway yard between Walker Road (get it? WALKER Road…oh, shut up) and Highway 90.
In the fifth season, the group escapes the cannibals because they’re the heroes of this series, so of course they do, and they make their way to another safe haven located in a Jennings subdivision, over by the Boudin King. This one is run by a nice lady named Deanna who isn’t anything at all like the Governor. Everything still ends in tragedy though, after another group of crazy people calling themselves the Wolves attack the settlement because people are the real monsters, dontchaknow?
The sixth season is just a bunch more killing zombies and super intense soap opera drama between this person and that person, but everyone is really just waiting for the shambling undead horde to swarm the subdivision and move us on to the next plot point, which doesn’t really happen because of a whole convoluted story about redirecting they zombie herd from a quarry or something nobody really cares about because eventually Negan happens.
Negan is a charismatic Zydeco musician who carries around an accordion wrapped in barbed wire he calls Lucille, which he uses to murder people while playing Don’t Mess With My Toot-Toot. The season ends with him striking up the first few notes of the song while everyone in Rick’s group kneels down, waiting to find out who he’s going to bludgeon to death when he gets to the “She was born in a birth suit, the doctor slapped her behind” lyric.
It’s a very tense moment.
The seventh season opens with the revelation of exactly who Negan murdered with his accordion of death, but since we’ve made it all the way to the current season, I don’t want to spoil anything for those three or four people out there who haven’t seen it yet.
I will say that the takes place near Broussard, and features a former Zoo of Acadiana employee who keeps a pet Alligator by his side at all times. Things get weird, Negan gets even crazier after he finds an old Jamie Bergeron CD, and more people die at the hands of his Zydeco-fueled rage.
And there you have it, kids: you’re all caught up on the Louisiana version of The Walking Dead! We hope you enjoyed it, but we’ll understand if you didn’t. We’re still waiting on the final three episodes of season 7, too.